When to Have "The Talk"

Written by Administrator.


Dear Lucia,

How much time after beginning to date someone should a girl wait to have 'the talk'? I've been dating someone for a month now but don't know where we stand...whether we're just having fun or if it's monogamous. I want to ask but I'm not sure if it's too soon right now.

Jade T.


Dear Jade,

When you first start to date someone, you need to keep two things in mind: Assume that person is seeing other people and don't assume they want a committed relationship with YOU. One month is definitely too soon to be having any kind of "we" talk. You barely know this person. How do you know you even want to be in a monogamous relationship with them? Your attitude when you first start to see someone should be, "Show me who you are, and I'll decide where you fit into my life". Don't automatically assume they would be good boyfriend/girlfriend material. When you first meet someone, you're not seeing the true person because they are on their best behavior. You're actually meeting their "press agent".

Let time be your guide. If they invite you to family functions, want to see you every weekend, and talk to you almost every day, you're safe to assume you're his/her main squeeze. Only then should you ask whether he considers you his friend or more.

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