Are You A Doormat?

Written by Lucia.

eclectic doormats 

Hi Lucia,

I was dating a woman for 1½ years. She kept breaking up with me and finally left me while I was in the hospital. She complained at times maybe I did not give enough compliments, like I was not mushy enough. Then she acted like she wanted money, when she makes more than me.

I kept going after her to get her back, but this time she blocked me from her phone and threatened legal action so I stayed away. I almost still want her back but almost not if she has a new guy.

I recently started to date a woman from work but she lives in another city. She's always busy working 6-7 days a week as well as OT.

How can I get the first woman back and /or how can I get the new one to stay and have a loving relationship? William


Hi William,

The issue is not with the either of the women. The issue is with you! Luckily, that’s something you have total control over, if you’re willing to do something about it.

A woman can’t be attracted to a man she doesn’t respect and a woman can’t respect a man who runs after her every time she breaks up with him. At the most, you could have “gone after her” the first time, to see if things could be worked out. However, continuing to do that every time she left turned you into a doormat, and women are not attracted to doormats, unless they’re the kind you wipe your feet on.

As for the second woman, she’s already in a happy relationship – with her work. Anyone who’s putting that much time into their work usually loves it, and doesn’t want to make time for a partner.

The running theme I see is that you’re attracted to women who are not available, which tells me you’re not available. A person who is serious about being in a relationship doesn’t continue to chase after someone who keeps leaving or have a desire to pursue someone who is a workaholic.

I would suggest some counseling to find out why you’re afraid of intimacy.

Tags: dating relationships end of a relationship dating advice relationship advice being a doormat

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# Sean 2017-11-02 11:56
I honestly made the same mistake with my ex. I believe there is know hope to salvage our relationship. I love her but I can't go on like this. What should I do?
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