Hi Lucia,
I just started dating two guys. One of them, Jeff, I met on a dating site. He used to be dependable with calling me and showing up. I know he has a busy work schedule but he has a habit lately of saying he will call and not calling. He also has said he will show up and has stood me up a few times.
The second guy, Richard, I met where I work. He has my phone number but will not give me his number. He does call me but if I miss his call, I can't call him because I don't have his phone number. My question is: Should I move on and find guys who will be more dependable and call me when they say they will? Should I try making it work with both or either of these guys? Alexis
Dear Alexis,
Obviously, the answer is: Hell no! Being stood up is a deal breaker. There is absolutely no excuse for that type of behavior. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t have the decency to at least cancel if they are not going to show up? Two cornerstones of great relationships are respect and trust. Jeff’s actions show he can’t be trusted and has no respect for you.
As for our dear friend Richard, he’s either married, living with someone, or has a girlfriend. Why would you want to deal with someone who won’t give you their number? I met a guy once who wanted to hang out. When I asked for his number, he said he’d give me his email. I said: Email? What’s that all about? That’s when he admitted that he was living with someone, but he wasn’t happy. I immediately put an end to something that would have led to a dead end.
Everyone who read your email knew the answer to your questions. I understand that when you are in the situation, it’s harder to be objective. So, the question to ask yourself in the future would be: Would I advise my best friend to date these guys? My daughter? My sister? It’s often easier if we temporarily take ourselves out of the equation.
