I have been dating this guy for 7 months. He is a great guy and we have fun together but I don't know where I stand in the relationship.
He was in a long relationship with his ex about 5 months before he met me and I could tell there was still some ex issues that he needed to get over. We seem to have gotten past that.
My issue is him not calling me enough. He works all week in another town, so the weekends are the only time I have to spend with him. I have accepted that I would only get two days with him a week, (and that is a maybe depending on if he has to work that weekend or if his job is in a town even further than usual. He works in a construction company).
When he is gone, he doesn't call or text and it bothers me that I don’t even cross his mind while he is away. He would go a whole week, sometimes more without calling me. We have discussed this numerous times, and I even broke up with him once over it. It makes me feel like I don’t mean that much to him. When we are together, everything is great. Then he leaves and nothing. I don’t expect a call everyday or need him to stay on the phone with me for hours. I’m even okay, with the occasional text just to say hello. Just call me!
I feel that I mean something to him, because when I broke up with him, he broke his neck to come over and make it up to me. He explained to me that he is not a phone person and that he doesn’t even call his mother that often. He said that I mean so much to him and I have the most respect of any woman other than his mother. He tells me that he cares a lot about me, and honestly I feel like he does. For the first time in a relationship, I trust that he does not date other girls. I never felt that he was cheating or seeing anyone else. He just doesn’t call me! That’s our only problem and it bothers me so much.
The last time I saw him, he was supposed to visit me one weekend and never showed up or called. When he eventually called, I didn’t answer, which I always do. I ignored him for 5 days. It drove him crazy and he blew up my phone all day. He left work and drove down in the middle of the week. He came over to my house, picked me up and took me out to dinner
He left the next day and I haven’t heard from him since. Should I break up with him? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Jane
Dear Jane,
When I first read your email, I was confused. I thought, “If he’s her boyfriend and is willing to see her almost every weekend, why won’t he keep in touch during the week?” Then I realized I’d forgotten one of my golden rules: When something doesn’t add up or make sense, 9 times out of 10, it’s because there is someone else involved.
Sorry to have to break it to you, but I believe this guy is leading a double life. He is either living with someone or married. That’s why he doesn’t want to keep in touch when he’s out of town. He’s minimizing the risk of being caught. He then tells the other woman that he has to work out of town on the weekends and comes to see you. On the weekends when he has to be home, he tells you he can’t see you that weekend.
When you didn’t answer the phone, the only reason he drove down during the week was because he doesn’t want to lose his “side dish”. I think you know what you have to do.
