A friend of mine once exclaimed, "Dating is so complicated!" I thought about it for a moment and realized, "No it's not!" It's actually very simple if you follow two principles that will solve 90% of your romantic issues.
You meet someone. You're attracted to them. They're attracted to you. You start dating.
Yes I know it's not always that simple. You may be interested in someone who initially isn't as interested or vice versa. Maybe you're already in a relationship and someone else piques your interest or you like someone that is already committed. How you arrive at dating someone isn't the point, as long as you're both attracted and available.
Here are the two things you must keep in mind:
If: you're happy, the other person treats you well AND your life is better as a result of that person being in it, you stay.
You must have all three.
There's not point in being with someone who treats you well and makes your life better, but for one reason or another you're unhappy (probably because you're not compatible). On the other hand:
If: you're not happy or the other person doesn't treat you well or your life is not better as a result of that person being in it, you leave.
You only need one of these to be present.
You're probably saying to yourself, "Yes, that's obvious." If it's so obvious, then why are there so many bad relationships?
Think back to your last relationship or even to a present one. How many times have you stayed with someone you weren't happy with? Or, what about the people who didn't treat you well but you stayed anyway? Why does that happen?
I believe that all too often people hand their self worth and self esteem over to their romantic partner. They feel that if someone loves (and I use that term loosely) them, that they are worthwhile. If they don't have someone in their lives, then they assume they're not.
There's a song called, "You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You". Please don't ever believe that. How a person treats you speaks to who they are - not to who you are.
Let me prove this to you using an extreme example. Let's say you're dating someone who's physically abusive. They say, "You make me so mad! You make me want to hit you."
If this were true, that would mean that everyone you dated would hit you when they became angry. Of course we know this doesn't happen. Someone else may choose to walk away or to talk to you. You cannot change how a person behaves. If you don't believe me, think about the times you tried to change yourself. How easy was it? Exactly!
The other excuse for staying with someone that you're not happy with is because you think the situation will get better. Hope is always the last to die and the person that is nice to you once in a while, keeps you hanging on. Most people wish they had gotten out of bad relationships sooner rather than later.
If you're trying to decide whether to break up with someone or not, ask yourself, "How much more time am I willing to waste in a bad relationship?"
Time is a non renewable resource. Once it's gone, it's never coming back. The more time you spend with the wrong person, the less time you'll have to spend with the right person.
