Dear Lucia,
Two weeks ago I broke up with someone who I was with for two months. I think I made every mistake a person can make - letting it move too fast, seeing him almost every day, telling him I love him.
When he would say "In my country, women are this way" or "A Romanian woman would never do that", I would tend to slip on what I would put up with. I would never have accepted his behavior from an American man.
The first month was great, and of course the second month everything disintegrated.
We go to the same very small grad school. How do I deal now with seeing him? I broke it off with him because he was chatting with women online in front of me. How do I restore my dignity? I’ve learned to stick to my standards regardless of where a person is from. Elisabeth
Dear Elisabeth,
Realizing that you must stick to your standards is a lesson that everyone must eventually learn. Do you know why the people we are into never seem to be into us and vice versa? Because we behave differently (change our standards) with someone we really like. I know it’s hard to avoid doing this, but if you can, it will be well worth it.
When we like someone a lot, we tend to not enforce our boundaries and will let them get away with things we normally wouldn’t allow with someone we weren’t that into. That was why you moved too fast, saw him every day and, ugh, told him you loved him.
The best way to handle the situation is to be polite and friendly (but not too friendly) when you run into him. If he should stop to chat, don’t bring up the past and if he brings it up say, “That’s ancient history” and change the subject.
