Dear Lucia,
I’m 21 and have been seeing this guy who is 28. Things were going great and I was so happy. He was good to my kids and to me. I never had to pay for anything and he drove two hours just to see me on the weekends.
3 days ago after he left we were talking online and got into a fight. He was saying I needed to improve on my lovemaking skills. He said he would show me more things. I shot back at him that he was small the first few times. He said it was because I didn't do enough to get him excited and it made me mad, like I was the only one who needed to improve.
Later, after crying and drinking, I wrote him that I loved him. He told me he didn't love me but that he "cared for me a lot". We've been together over a month and I've cooked for him, we've gone out, played with my kids, cuddled and fell asleep together every time he was here. I thought after doing all that by now those feelings should be mutual??
Before this happened we talked on the phone every night for 4 hours. Lately when we text each other he's very short and to the point with me. I just don't know what happened. I went from feeling like I was so happy and floating on air with this guy to sad and depressed and unsure of how to get things back to the way they were.
It really bothers me because this guy is educated and a gentleman - like nothing I've ever had before. The whole thing was so perfect and I really put myself out there. How do I save this relationship? Amber.
Dear Amber,
The problem here is that you are 21 and therefore, immature. My answer is not going to all of a sudden make you mature, but hopefully it will plant a seed.
The key to men is to remember that they are constantly looking at situations as: Am I winning, am I not winning? When men feel as if they are not winning, they withdraw. That’s why he isn’t communicating with you as much as he was before.
Never, ever criticize a guy for his sexual skills. So much of his identity and ego is tied into his sexuality, that it will always be a no win situation. You are only 21, so he probably doesn’t expect you to be a dynamo in bed at this point. If he wants to show you some things, he’s doing you a favor. Some guys would just leave.
Don't contact him, but respond if he reaches out to you. Also, you need to stop trying to rush things. It’s only been a month. Slow down, otherwise, you are just rushing to the end of the relationship.
