Dear Lucia,
I’ve been dating a man for 2 1/2 months. He has a demanding government job which requires extensive travel during election season so his time is extremely limited. He said that he was hesitant to ask me out because of his job. We agreed to keep it casual for the time being, and have not slept together.
We have not had a date in 3 weeks. He just told me that he will be traveling for 2 months, and he was sorry we have not been able to hang out. Should I talk to him about my feelings or just give up? Has he lost interest or is he taking this very slow? Sophie
Dear Sophie,
Since I don’t have my crystal ball today I can’t tell you if he’s lost interest or not, but I do know one thing and that is that following the typical female route of “talking about your feelings” is just going to push him away further.
He already has the pressure of his job, he doesn’t need more pressure from a relationship, that should be a place where he can relax, not be more stressed. Of course you’re entitled to your feelings, but that doesn’t mean you need to express them at this point in your dating relationship. You’re supposed to be taking it slow, remember. This means, going with the flow and not pushing for things to happen or asking for explanations when things aren’t happening as fast as you would like.
If you leave them alone, most men eventually return on their own. Most women never get to experience this because when men start to exhibit behavior that could be interpreted as “pulling away”, they chase after them. To take a page from the book, How to Make a Man Behave in 21 Days or Less Using the Secrets of Professional Dog Trainers, “If your dog is running away from you, the worst thing you can do is chase after him. He’ll only run faster. Instead, remain calm. Act like you’re having loads of fun without him. Soon he’ll be trotting eagerly back.”
Keep dating other guys, and who knows, when he’s back in 2 months, you may not even be interested any more.
