Dear Lucia,
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we've had more than our fair share of arguments and very rough times. We've made it through all that and yet I often wonder does he still love me the way he used to?
When the passion starts fading, what can I do next? I would really appreciate honesty here as I need that. Alexa
Dear Alexa,
We will have to blame Mother Nature for the natural decline of romantic passion in long term relationships. Intense passion consumes a lot of time and energy and it would not be efficient for it to continue for years. This is why after about 18 months to 2 years, it turns into attachment and feelings of safety and contentment.
Does this mean we are doomed to passionless, long term relationships? Heck no!
There are many things you can do to keep the romantic fires burning. Keep the sensual part of you alive. Don’t get lazy just because you’re in a committed relationship. Continue to be his girlfriend. Do those things you did in the beginning when you first started dating. Keep appreciating him, admiring him, flirting and complimenting. People often forget to continue doing these things, thinking such actions are no longer necessary. This is actually the secret to protecting a relationship against infidelity.
Continue to do fun and exciting things, create new situations, such as doing a staycation at a hotel once in a while.
Finally, don’t forget that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Space helps maintain romantic passion. To quote from Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet”: Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
