Dear Lucia,
My bf says he loves me, but sometimes I'm not sure how true it is. He talks to all these different girls on Facebook, and their pictures aren't exactly something I like him looking at. It's not my place to tell him who he can and can't talk to, but I think he's flirting with these other girls.
He joined groups like "fun with sex," "single and looking," "guys and girls". His relationship status still says single. Am I taking things the wrong way? Kate
Dear Kate,
I must say, your letter blew me away. At first I thought it might be a joke. After all, can someone really be in that much denial? Unfortunately, the answer is: YES!
Your email was titled: Desperate to save the love. Excuse me? What love are you talking about? You may think you love him, but love is the last thing on his mind. Oh, I know, I know. He said he loved you. Okay, I'm saying I have a million dollars in the bank. Guess what? We're both lying. Guys know that as long as they talk a good game, they can usually get away with murder (criminal defense attorneys know this too). Remember: Actions speak louder than words. Close your ears and open your eyes.
The icing on the cake was when you said: Am I taking things the wrong way? Aaarrghhh!!!!! Unfortunately, this is the typical female response when they don't want to let go of a guy they know is not good for them. They blame themselves, because they know that if they actually acknowledged that their partner was wrong, they would no longer have an excuse for staying in a bad situation.
If you need proof that he's not being faithful, why don't you put up a fake profile and find out what he's been posting in the groups he belongs too? Send him an email telling him you think he's hot and you want to meet him. Don't be too surprised if he falls for the bait.
I hope you've come to the realization that you need to bail. There is nothing for you here. One of the wisest decisions you'll ever make will be to cut your losses and move on. One of the dumbest decisions you'll ever make will be to stay. The choice is up to you. I hope you make the right one.
