Hi Lucia,
I was in a three year relationship and had plans to move in. From one moment to another my boyfriend's feelings changed. He claims to be confused. He tells me he loves me but isn't in love with me. He was the one to ask me to move in; he brought up children and marriage.
I know he has been badly influenced by his friends, who are all single. I feel like I got the short end of the stick. Should I assume there was someone else or that he was afraid of commitment? Should I let things go or work to make him understand? Broken-Hearted
Dear Broken-Hearted,
When someone says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" what they really mean is, "I don't want to have sex with you anymore." People say this when they want to end a relationship, but don't know what to say. It sounds innocent enough, because, after all, they're still saying they love you. The statement makes it seem as if something suddenly came over him and he's not in love any more. His feelings did not change from one moment to the next. He's been feeling this way for a while, but either managed to hide it or you chose to overlook the red flags.
Even if he was influenced by his friends, do you really want to be in a relationship with a man whose friends have a say in your life together? You may think you "got the short end of the stick" but frankly, if you're a religious person, you should get on your knees and thank God for saving you from many years of misery.
Who cares what the reason was? The bottom line is that he no longer wants to be with you and you cannot make him do anything. He understands what he needs to understand and that is, that he no longer wants to be with you. He's not confused. Sorry to sound so harsh, but it's better to face the truth now and move on with your life than to waste years and eventually look back in regret. Good luck.
