Dear Lucia,
How do I let my boyfriend know my needs are not getting met with out seeming needy? He says he loves me, but he doesn't show it in a way that I feel loved. How do I approach this... with out accusing him of not loving me? I know he does, but I need him to show it...to compliment me or make me feel special to him.
Needy in L.A.
Dear Needy,
We all have what most people call "needs" in a relationship. This is a misnomer, since the only things we "need" in life are air, water, sleep and food. What you call needs, I call desires. You desire that your boyfriend act a certain way in order for you to feel loved.
Everyone has different ways of expressing their affection, depending on how they were raised. Just because he doesn't express it the way YOU would like it expressed, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. This is more about you and your own insecurities. The fact that he is willing to verbalize his affection is a good thing.
I would suggest that you give what you would like in return. This means, you compliment him, you make him feel special. If he really cares for you, he will reciprocate. If not, and you've spoken to him about your "needs" and things still don't change, then you may have to find someone else that expresses himself in a way you're more comfortable with.
