Hi Lucia,
I'm 37 and dating a lady that is 39. Over two weeks we went on 4 or 5 dates and we also hung out at each other’s houses for hours. We both agreed we wanted to take things slowly but we got intimate about 4 weeks into it. After that we decided to be exclusive and not meet or see anyone else.
Three weeks later she says we need to slow down and get to know me better. We had some long conversations and decided that we are just dating again. She says she likes me and she’s not dating anyone else. She used to tell me she misses me and call me babe but doesn't anymore. She also mentioned she is going through a rough time personally (I know what those things are) and she just isn't ready for a boyfriend.
I am totally into her and its hard to go backwards. I don't know if I should just call it off or believe her and go back to dating. Chris
Hi Chris,
Everyone wants to be with a “high value person” but by having the time to hang out with her for hours within the first 2 weeks, you showed her that you don’t have a life or that your interest level is so high, you’re willing to give her a lot of your time without knowing her very well. You killed mystery and challenge.
I’ve always said that if someone is willing to rush in, they’re just as likely to rush out. That’s what this woman is doing. Things moved too fast and she needs to take a step back. It’s also possible that you did/said something that turned her off or lowered her interest. Or, maybe she’s met someone else who she wants to date.
The best thing to do is to accept the situation as it is and actually go slowly this time. That means you see each other 1-2 times a week at the most for the next several months and you do not talk or text every day.
You’re being given a second chance here. Don’t blow it. Show her you have a life and aren’t needy, and she may soon decide she wants to be exclusive with you once again.
