Dear Lucia,
I am a very successful 42 year old man in the business world and I am considered by most to be very attractive. I have dated many beautiful women whom I later found out seemed to have no chemistry for me.
Do you think women accept dates with men they are not attracted to on a physical level? If so, don't you think it is a woman's responsibility to address this or is it always up to the guy to just "figure it out".
I think sexual chemistry is an important component for long term relationships. Maybe not dating, but it has to be there. If women want to have male, platonic friends, they should seek out gay men. They are perfect for this reason. Chris
Dear Chris,
While men generally don’t go on a date unless they are physically attracted to a woman, women do.
There are many reasons for this: the man is financially well off; he can help their career; they want to go out to expensive restaurants, concerts etc; they think he’s interesting and hope that a physical attraction will develop.
In the first three reasons, the man is obviously being used. The woman knows it, so there’s nothing for them to address.
How can a man protect himself against being the victim of one of these scenarios?
If you are wealthy, downplay it in the beginning. Your first instinct may be to show how well off you are, but that’s how you attract gold diggers. If a woman is truly interested in you, she generally doesn’t care how much money you have or don’t have.
If you want to guard against being used for career help, don’t give it until you are in a relationship.
For the third scenario, make the first date at a coffee shop or a bar/lounge for drinks. If the woman balks at this, she’s not into you.
During all first dates, pay attention to whether and how often the woman touches you. Even something simple such as touching your arm or shoulder is a good sign. If a woman is not physically attracted to you, she will not want to touch you at all.
At the end of the date, give her a kiss on the lips. If she turns her head to give you her cheek, that’s another indication of disinterest.
