Dear Lucia,
I’m 26 and have been dating a 24 year old woman for a year. It’s been a difficult on-again off -again relationship. We just went through another bad break-up and once again I find myself swearing that I will never be with her again.
What is it that I can do to make sure that I do not end up back with this person ever again? How do I let her go completely? She always manages to wiggle her way back in my life. JT
Dear JT,
If there were someone at your door that you did not want to let in, you simply wouldn’t open the door. The same holds true for your life. Don’t open the door and she won’t be able to get in. Ah, yes, that is the logical answer. Unfortunately, we’re dealing with emotions, not logic, and emotions don’t have an I.Q.
You say she manages to wiggle (is that both literally and figuratively?) her way back in. I say that she couldn’t get back in unless you let her. You’re assuming she has power over you, but she only has as much power as you give her. If you decided that you no longer wanted to be in an on again-off again romance, she wouldn’t be in your life. If you decided that you were a great catch and only wanted to be with someone as wonderful as you, she wouldn’t be in your life.
Why are you holding on to someone that you’re obviously not happy with? What is missing in your life that she is currently providing (and I don’t mean sex)? What good feelings do you associate with her, simply because you felt that way about her in the past?
Only time will allow you to let her go completely. In the meantime, focus on what’s wrong with the relationship and think about those things the next time you’re about to get sucked in again.
