Dear Lucia,
Should I make any attempt to contact my ex to say that I forgive her? Our relationship ended badly with her going after someone else. I have all this resentment and it keeps me thinking about her. I have tried to stop dwelling over it but I feel it's the only option I have left. I feel I need to make peace. J.T.
Dear J.T.,
Have you heard the expression, "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself". People think that forgiving someone means the other person has "won" and they've somehow "lost". As with most things in today's world, that is the total opposite of how it really is.
You forgive someone so that you can have peace within yourself. By holding onto anger and resentment, you are still holding onto that person, even if they are no longer in your life. You're still carrying a cross that bears their name.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If someone is angry with you, they still care on some level. That's why people in dysfunctional relationships try to make each other angry - that way they know the other person still cares.
If you've truly forgiven her, take what positive lessons you've learned from being with her and move on with your life. There's really no need to call her. She probably couldn't care less whether you forgive her or not. Let it go.
