Dear Lucia,
I had been seeing a guy for about a month. My attraction toward him was pretty strong early on. He seemed to be the perfect man on every level. He is smart, educated, owns his own businesses, is a world traveler and cooks. He was polite, attentive and a gentleman.
The first 3-4 weeks were awesome. One thing that stood out about him was that he was very good about keeping in touch with me.
After each date I would get a text message within hours or would get random ones in the morning wishing me a great day. I would see him about 2x a week, until he had to go out of the country for business. While he was out of the country, he constantly kept in touch with me through texts, saying he couldn’t wait to see me and would be coming home early.
He got back on a Wednesday and left me both a phone and a text message. Everything seemed back to normal. On Friday night I got a call that I couldn't take. He left a message saying he missed me and has a lot of work to do but he would get a hold of me over the weekend. And that he didn't do. By Monday I was really worried so I called and left a message.
It had been 3 days of silence and all I got was a text response 3 hours later saying that he was still working. He finally called and left a message the next day. He did not say anything about getting together, which was unusual for him.
The day after, when he had already been back for a week, I called him back and we chatted like old friends. Again, he did not mention going out.
So I said: You have your priorities straight. You are a businessman and I admire that. I would never ask you to give up work or feel bad about not spending enough time with me. I certainly don't want you to feel that you have to call me if you don't want to. But I realize that with your schedule, this is going to happen all the time. I know myself and I know that I need more attention than this. I know that in the long run this sort of behavior will bother me a great deal. I prefer to get out in the beginning before I get too involved or emotionally attached to you.
He didn't really try to convince me otherwise. He said he didn’t want to make promises he couldn’t deliver. He apologized about working too hard and not communicating with me but at that point it was too late. I knew what I needed to be happy in a relationship and I knew he couldn't give that to me.
Do you think I did the right thing? Adriana
Hi Adriana,
The answer to your question is yes and no.
It’s wrong to ask for more time because that is the equivalent of begging. A guy should be dying to see you, especially when he’s just gotten back from an international trip. The fact that he didn’t, means that he was not as “into you” as you were into him. This doesn’t mean the relationship could not eventually have progressed to that stage.
I believe it was simply too soon for him and he chose other people/things before you.
This is why I suggest dating several men at the same time – that way you don’t get too hung up on any one guy too soon. His actions wouldn’t have bothered you as much if you were busy dating others.
Having said that, at the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is best for you. While I would not have had a problem with his ambiguity and would simply have seen it as a cautionary flag, your personality is such that you felt you needed to end it.
So, while I don’t recommend doing what you did, your decision was right for you and therefore you did the right thing.
