Dear Lucia,
Lately me and my girlfriend of 3 yrs. have been having problems. We can’t talk about issues because she won’t talk. She doesn’t support me in my hobbies or choices anymore. She spends more time with her friends than me and takes my romance for granted.
I love her a lot and don’t want to leave her despite the obvious reasons. I just want her to talk to me about herself and her problems. Her not being able to is hurting her and myself. How can I get her to talk to me about "us"? Jorge
Dear Jorge,
I know you think the “obvious reasons” you’re having problems is because she won’t talk and spends more time with her friends than with you, but those are only symptoms of a bigger issue, and that is that her interest level in you had dropped! I would need to speak with you in order to figure out where her interest might be, but things are not looking good.
You’re incorrect about “Her not being able to (talk) is only hurting her and myself”. You are the only person it’s hurting. It sounds like she’s already mentally and emotionally moved on but is still physically in the picture.
I know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear and you don’t want to leave her, although it seems she’s already left you.
My suggestion is that you stop nagging her to talk to you. Just reading about how you keep trying to talk to her made me not want to talk to you, so I can imagine how she feels. You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do, but you can certainly inspire them to do it. This means that you should follow her lead – see your friends more, don’t talk about the relationship and stop being romantic.
If she has a change of heart, she will begin to ask you the same questions you’ve been asking her and you can then address the issues that lead to this whole mess. If she doesn’t, then let her go. She's obviously not interested enough to continue the relationship.
