Hi Lucia,
I recently heard you say that, "It's wrong to ask a man for more time because that is the equivalent of begging". I completely disagree and had to say so. I'm happily married and have some valid input.
First of all, telling someone that something they did is wrong, seems wrong to me. But, communicating your needs to someone (communicating in general) is far from wrong, it's important and should be respected - respected as opposed to being called a beggar. It is also being respectful to yourself and honoring your feelings. I really hate that you told this girl (or the audience) that this makes her a "beggar". Lynn
Hi Lynn,
If you listened to talk radio in the 90’s, you may be familiar with Dr. Toni. She is a renowned clinical psychologist, media psychology pioneer, and best selling author of, " Being a Woman". Her radio show was where I first heard her say that “a woman shouldn’t have to beg for time”. I totally agree.
I’ve had men climbing trees to get to me because I hadn’t spoken to them in 10 days; flying across the country just to see me for 5 ½ hours (and no, it wasn’t for sex) and sob hysterically when I told them I had moved on. They certainly didn’t behave this way because I expressed my feelings.
Just like all truths do not need to be expressed, not all feelings need to be expressed either. That’s just misguided advice from the last century. Until a guy cares about you, he doesn’t care about your feelings.
Asking for more time is not the most effective way to get more time. If a man doesn't want to see you as often as you'd like, you need to first ask yourself if you're being unrealistic with your expectations. If you aren't, then it means his interest level is lower than yours. You don't ask for more time, you focus on raising his interest level in the time you do spend together. That's the most effective way to get what you want.
That is why love is an art. You need to know when to speak up and when to shut up.
