Dear Lucia,
I've been dating this guy for three years. Every year he has some type of financial situation he needs help with. He currently owes the Federal Government $3,000.00 for collecting unemployment illegally.
He asked me to take a loan out to help him get out this debt. I told him no. I got myself out of debt two years ago. No credit cards, car paid off, $2,500.00 in my savings.
Do you think I should help him out when he can't afford to take me to Applebee’s or Red Lobster? I've made my mind up to start dating better men who are not financial losers!! A.K.
Dear A.K.,
I remember when you wrote to me about this guy several years ago when you first started dating him. Let me quote a part of my answer to you at that time:
"I suggest you cut off all communication with this loser immediately and permanently. Nothing good can come out of having him in your life, not to mention the fact that you will be setting a very bad example for your daughters."
Unfortunately, you chose not to follow my advice (It’s okay, most people don’t, because they are making an emotional decision instead of a logical one. Emotions don't have an IQ).
So, here we are again. 3 years later and nothing has changed. He was asking you for money before and he’s asking you for money again. Men are literally "wired" to want to provide for their partner. If a guy isn't willing or able to do that, something has gone terribly wrong.
My question to you is: Why do you think so little of yourself that you’re willing to be with someone who collects unemployment illegally and is always asking you for money? How can you respect someone like that? Remember, there is no love without respect. There may be attachment, but there can’t be love.
I used to date guys like that, until I let one move in with me temporarily. It was like having a kid, he always needed something. I was so happy to finally be rid of him 3 months later. I vowed to never again date guys who were financially irresponsible and I’ve kept my promise.
I really hope you’ve finally learned your lesson and are going to stay away from guys who don’t have their act together financially.
