Is there a way to make someone fall madly in love and treat you right? I recently interviewed Rita, a happily married woman, whose boyfriends always fell madly in love with her when she was single. I had to find out what her "secrets" were.
I discovered there were three main things she was doing which I believe are the keys to unlocking this mystery. These are all things I already knew about, but somehow, hearing them from someone, as opposed to reading about it in a book or article, really brought the message home.
1. Love only those who love you
How often do we bang our heads against the wall trying to figure out how to get a guy (or girl)? If someone doesn't seem that interested or even rejects us, we want them even more! What did Rita do?
"If I didn't get signs that the guy appreciated me, I did not run after him. I know what I'm worth. It doesn't mean that I'm not good enough. That person probably didn't see all my qualities. Nothing good would have come out of running after him and hoping that one day he'd see who I was. If he doesn't see you, he will not treat you the way you deserve to be treated."
How long should you wait? Generally, someone will know fairly soon if you're someone they want to have a relationship with or not. Your job is to show up as your best self, and if you see that "they're just not that into you", then don't continue to put energy into them.
Is there someone you know is interested in you who you've been ignoring because you were so focused on someone who isn't interested? Going to where you're wanted is so much easier than constantly analyzing what someone said and did, trying to figure out what they're thinking. If you don't know what they're thinking, then they probably aren't thinking about you. As Shakespeare wrote, "Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better"
2. Be a friend first
Instead of putting pressure on a budding relationship by thinking that person may be the love of your life, build a friendship first. Think of your closest friends. The friendships probably developed casually and easily. You found yourself doing more and more things together and before you knew it, they were one of your closest friends. Dr. Paul, author of, "How We Fall in Love" says, "Friendship is mutually shared, consistently positive emotion."
Rita says she would ask for advice and talk about herself, not in an effort to impress the other person, but to let them into her life. She took a calm, casual attitude and didn't play games. "If you start playing, then they will start playing and it won't be real. To have real love, you have to be real. Love is a true feeling. You can't fake it. Be a true person to get true feelings".
3. Be open to love
If you're not open to it, both consciously and subconsciously, then you will not find it. It's like having the door to your heart half open. No one will ever fully be able to come in.
Rita says, "When you experience love, you have no fear or suspicions. It's an amazing experience, but you have to be open to it. You have to ask yourself if you really want to be in love. Some people don't. Maybe they're afraid, so they keep getting into relationships where there is a third party involved or other issues, because in the back of their mind, they're afraid of commitment. They find someone who they know will not want to commit."
If you choose wisely by loving only those who love you back, and treat nicely by being a friend and being open to love, you too can have an amazing love life.
