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- Written by: Nick Bastion
Why do men lose interest?
It's a question so many women have yet so few ever get the answer to.
A lot of the time, when a man ends up losing interest it seems to come out of nowhere, completely catching you off guard and making you wonder what you did or where things went wrong.
You might be trying to do things to make him interested in you again and reignite his interest again except the more you try to do the worse it seems to make things. This can be even more frustrating because you are putting in so much effort and he's doing nothing but acting distant, difficult and as if he doesn't care.
If you’re worried he’s losing interest but you’re not sure, this Vixen Daily quiz can help you find the answer.
To help you out, here are the common reasons a man loses interest so you can understand what's going on in your situation and hopefully find a solution to this problem.
Reason #1: He Was Not As Interested As You Thought
I am saying this so bluntly not to be rude or hurtful but rather to give you the truth so that you can really understand what could be going on.
Maybe you thought you really hit it off with this guy and felt everything was going smoothly yet rather than him reciprocate he suddenly went cold and lost interest.
A lot of the time, this happens not because you actually really hit it off… but because you really liked him and wanted something to come out of it. Because of your hopes for the situation, you figured he felt the same way, and in reality he wasn't that interested.
This is common and important to really think about. Did he ever clearly express interest by arranging a date, pursuing you and actively going out of his way to contact you?
Or was it you doing all the work? If you were the one doing all the work and the one initiating contact, it's a pretty strong indicator that he wasn't that interested to begin with. Your best bet is to realize this and move on.
Reason #2: He Is Going Through Something In His Life
Has anything major happened in his life recently that has him extremely stressed and anxious?
A death in the family? Problems with money or problems at work?
This is a very common reason for a man to seem distant and like he's pulling away when in reality it has nothing to do with you.
If a man is going through major stress in his life for one reason or another it's a good thing for you because it means he most likely hasn't lost interest in you, he's simply going through a hard time in his life… So don't worry too much and try not to take it personally.
Reason #3: The Novelty Has Worn Off
Whatever you had with him in the beginning might have been fun, exciting and fresh. But as time goes by, things begin to get stale and routine.
This is a very common thing that happens and there's nothing you did wrong or bad that caused it; it's completely normal.
What you can do is try to do something new, exciting and fresh that will add something new and fresh to the relationship dynamic.
So for example, you could try something adventurous like rock climbing or taking an art class together or even go wine tasting and just doing things that add a new sense of fun.
The point is to add something new to make the chance of him regaining interest as high as possible. As with anything in life, there is no guarantee this will work but it will give you the best chance at success.
So there you go, here are the main three reasons a man will lose interest. Don't worry about it; there's no point in fixating about someone who isn't going to be naturally interested in you.
At the end of the day, you cannot force someone to like you just because you want them to… And why would you ever want to force someone to like you anyway? You're much better off leaving yourself open to find someone who is interested in you for exactly who and how you are.
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- Written by: Administrator
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- Written by: Administrator
Hi Lucia,
Two years ago I found out my fiancé was meeting someone else for dinner, doing favors for her, etc. When I truly walked out and said enough, he begged and cried and pleaded that it would never happen again. He convinced me to go to counseling and after about 5 sessions, he suddenly didn’t have the time.
Now I found out he is back in touch with a woman he dated in high school and another woman who he says is just a friend. When I ask to meet these new so called female friends he gets angry and accuses me of cheating.
He had time to pick out a snow blower for the one he used to date in high school and then had a driver at his job pick it up, put it together and deliver it to her house. He goes out to diner with her and turns off his phone or conveniently leaves it in the car. Two weekends ago he spent about $100 on a dress shirt, tie and sports coat to go to her mother's funeral & wake. I asked to go to the funeral with him and he gave me every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn’t go. I told him its because he hasn’t told this women about me and that is why I couldn’t go.
Several weekends ago he spent all night on the computer trying to find this woman a generator, but had no time to answer my calls. Then he had the balls (sorry) to ask me to go with him to look for generators on Saturday and to check on line for him too. Now he deletes his text messages to both of these women.
Am I losing it or is my gut feeling sort of on the right track? Paulina
Hi Paulina,
Are you on the right track? Girl, not only are you on the right track, if you stand there much longer you will be run over! Good God! What does a red flag have to do before you see it? Chase you down and bonk you over the head?
It’s nice to see your so-called fiancé is such a nice and caring man – too bad it’s directed to everyone except you! This clearly proves that a guy can be a jerk to one woman and a prince to another – it just depends on who he’s interested in and clearly, it’s not you.
You’ve already caught him seeing another woman behind your back, couples counseling didn’t work out and now he’s up to his old tricks again. I think it’s time for you to hit the road and don’t look back!
I would also strongly suggest therapy to find out why you are so willing to sweep the truth under the rug and stay with a man who doesn’t care about you. As Iyanla Vanzant would say, “It’s not about him Boo. It’s about you”.
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- Written by: Administrator
Hi Lucia,
I recently reconnected with old college friend. We have both never been married. He knows that he’s not had an emotional connection with most women & openly talks about this. We met at 17 (he was my first kiss) and then got busy in our separate lives but reconnected a few years ago on Facebook. Over the years, he discussed all his women issues with me & I shared all my hook ups. Our common friends tried to match us in the past but until recently we never felt that connection.
He lives in another country and recently visited me. We talked and talked & really got comfortable with each other. We discovered we have a lot in common as well as an amazing sexual chemistry (though I didn’t sleep with him). What he liked about me was I am not that interested/desperate to marry him (but I do want to be with him all my life). He told his best friend that he felt something really strong.
I feel so great – can’t ask for anyone better! It will be a long distance relationship, but I can fly to him anytime. I need to know what to do so that I don’t screw this most amazing thing up. Swati
Hi Swati,
Congratulations on having found someone you share such an amazing connection with. The best part is that you’ve known each other for a while as friends first, have shared intimate issues with each other and are now able to feel a strong attraction. This is the foundation of all good relationships.
The best way to not screw it up is to take it one day at a time, one encounter at a time. As long as every time you’re in contact it’s fun and feels good, you will both want it to continue. Don’t let impatience get the best of you, thinking it needs to move along at a certain pace. Courtship is like a dance – sometimes you move forward, and sometimes you step back.
The only thing I would caution you against is flying to him. He’s the man, and needs to be pro-active, meaning, he should be flying to you more often than you flying to him. He needs to make an effort to see you. By doing this, he lets you know he’s interested and it also lets him know you’re not just a fling who’s willing to get on a plane at the drop of a hat!
The long distance thing is the only negative I see, but luckily, there is Skype and Facetime, so it will be a lot easier to “be there” without really being there.
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- Written by: Lucia
Dear Lucia,
My boyfriend and I have been dating/living together for 3yrs and 8 months. We are both 34. He is an absolute wonderful, passionate, sincere boyfriend-but he just can't take the next step to become a husband. We have so much in common, we love the same things and we have so much fun with each other. I have been nagging him about getting married for a very long time. There have been some break ups in the past because of this. And we have both gone to counseling, separate and together, to figure out his commitment problem.
This past year I set a deadline for myself, which came and went and no engagement. I finally got tired of the lies and being led on about him telling me he has gone to a jeweler a couple of times to "talk" about buying the ring and get prices. I got tired of asking him, "Are you going to take care of this soon?" and hearing, "Don't worry, it's taken care of, it's coming soon." So I backed off a little and still nothing-just excuses of why he hasn't actually bought the ring - work, he lost his check card and is waiting for the new one to come in, his mother is sick so he's trying to take care of her.
A few weeks ago, I told him for the 100th time that I had had enough of waiting. I told him I loved him, but I was mentally and physically tired of hearing the excuses, being lied to and led on. I left him at home and went driving/thinking for a couple of hours. Thought long and hard and came back to suggest to him that maybe it would just best for him to move out. I said that if and when he was ready to marry me and if I was available, to come find me- thanks to Dr. Phil. This was sooo hard to do.
This really hurts. I don't know how I will be able to find someone else and I really don't want to right now. Did I do the right thing? This is so hard to deal with. I hate the pain. I want him to call me up and tell me he's changed his mind. Kris
Dear Kris,
You say he's 34? He sounds more like 13. So he's lying to you, giving excuses a 10 year old could see through – lost his check card, his mom is sick - and you want to marry him? May I ask why? Are you planning to not have children, so you figured you'd marry an adult that acted like one? Even you agree that he has been stringing you along. The foundation of any relationship is trust and respect. How can you trust and respect someone who behaves this way? You need to look at your willingness to tolerate being lied to repeatedly. Your tolerance level is way too high.
And what's with all the nagging? Do you really want to be with someone who isn't dying to marry you? Or did you think he was the best you can do, so you figured you'd nag him to death in the hopes that he'd eventually cave in? That's really attractive. It's not that he "can't" take the next step to become a husband, he doesn't "want" to. However, I understand it's easier on the ego to think that the poor boy just, oh, just can't take the next step, so let's go to counseling.
Okay, now that I've finished verbally beating you up, I have to commend you on finally doing the right thing, even if it took Dr. Phil for you to decide to finally take control of your life. Now don't go messing it up by wishing he would change his mind. For your sake, I hope he doesn't. If you hate the pain now, wait until you're married to him. It's not just about getting married. It's about getting married to the right person. The right person doesn't lie and string you along; he behaves like a man and tells you the truth.
