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Written by: Administrator

Hi Lucia,

I have been with my boyfriend for a year & half now and our relationship has taken a change recently. He’s distant and we hardly have sex anymore. We used to be passionate and adventurous but now he says he needs to take a mini vacation to have time alone since we see each other everyday.

We live together so I can’t really do anything about that.

I have asked him if he is still serious about our future or should I move out. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. I used to see the love in his eyes and in his touch but now it’s like we are room mates that sleep in the same bed! I don't know what to do? Jade

Hi Jade,

When a guy stops wanting to have sex anymore, that’s a HUGE red flag. It could be for any number of reasons, none of which are good: He’s cheating, he’s turned off by you, he’s angry with you, he's lost interest, he's having performance issues or he’s into porn.

On top of that, he wants to spend less time together. When someone is into you, they want to be with you as much as possible. I don’t care that he says he loves you and still wants to be with you.

This is not how a man who is in love behaves.

You have one of two options: The first is to move out and see if it’s possible to salvage the relationship once you are no longer under the same roof.

The second is to give him all the space he wants. Try not to be home at the same time as much as possible. Build a full life outside of your relationship, so that if it does end, it won’t be as devastating, since you will already be living as if you are single. Maybe by giving him breathing room and not asking about the relationship, he may remember the reason he fell in love with you in the first place.

Your letter is the perfect example of why I don’t believe in living together. It is a convenience. Only marriage is a commitment.

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Written by: Lucia

Hi Lucia,

I went on a date with this guy and he texts me every other day. We only went on one date and he's not calling, only texting.

When I brought it to his attention jokingly, he just texted me back hours later joking about what I said.

Should I ignore his text since he isn't putting in the effort to ask me out again?  Do you think he's breadcrumbing me?  Should I go  out with other guys?  Desiree

Hi Desiree,

Texting has become a double-edged sword. While it’s often convenient, people who don’t have great conversational skills or are not that interested are using it to hide behind.

You’ve only gone on one date and you are already making this guy soooo important. If you feel like responding, go ahead. If you’re busy or don’t want to respond, then don’t. Getting upset about it is not going to get you anywhere. Instead see it as a clue as to his feelings for you. Never make someone a priority when they only see you as an option.

It's possible that he's breadcrumbing you if it's been more than a week since the date and he hasn't asked you out.  He wants to pretend that he's interested, just in case he wants to see you again in the future, but not interested enough to ask you out again right now.

Should you go out with other guys? Why is this even a question? Until you’re engaged, married or in an exclusive, committed relationship, you should always date other guys!

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Written by: Administrator

Dear Lucia,

I know I made a stupid mistake but what shall I do? I totally screwed up. I went out twice with a guy and we french kissed. He's busy always traveling and he didn’t call.

When I called him a week later, I said stupid stuff like, "Even the President has time to call..." so he told me, "I'm not a relationship kind of guy".  I want to see him again, without any strings attached - how do I do it?  Dorothy K.

Dear Dorothy,

First of all, I’m glad you realized you made a mistake. I’m of course referring to first calling him and then on top of that making that "President" comment.  Asking someone, "Why didn’t you call?" rarely leads to anything good. The answer is always: Because they didn’t want to!

What you’re really asking is: Why didn’t you want to call?

It’s too soon to be wondering that. All you’ve done is lock lips. Don’t fall into that silly female habit of trying to move things along, because it rarely works. When you prematurely try to take one step forward, the guy will instead take one step back.

This is what he did when he told you he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy. What he means is: He doesn’t want to have a relationship with YOU!  He’s trying to put the brakes on because at the moment he hardly knows you, and he certainly doesn’t need some girl calling him up to find out why he didn’t call.

Finally, you say you want to see him again with no strings attached. I say you want to see him again and pretend there are no strings attached. You and I both know you want more. But okay, I’ll play along.

Since he felt forced to make that “no relationship” statement, you’ve now painted yourself into a corner.

I would suggest you wait for a month and see if he calls you again. If he does, don’t mention getting together. If he asks you out, don’t say yes right away. Tell him you’ll need to get back to him. This is your way of taking one step back. (Incase you hadn’t noticed, dating is a lot like dancing).

When you do go out, you need to casually slip into the conversation that you’re just looking for a casual relationship (not necessarily with him, but in general). See how he reacts to that and go from there.

If, however, you don’t hear from him in a month, call and leave a message saying hello. If he’s interested, he’ll call back at some point, though it may not be right away. If he answers, do the same thing - keep the conversation light and get off the phone in 5 minutes. Don’t ask him to get together. He needs to ask you out if he’s interested, otherwise, you’ll be taking one step forward again, while he’s still two steps back. Understand?

Now, go forth and do not ever again commit the sin of asking: Why didn’t you call?

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Written by: Lucia

Hi Lucia,

I went on a fabulous date Monday night! There was never a silent moment - he and I were talking forever, laughing and joking around. Half way through the date he even suggested a second date and possible places/days.

He drove me home and before I left his car we made out. He again said he'd like to go on another date and that he'd call me. The day after, he texted me saying "You left your umbrella in my car...so I guess you're stuck seeing me again ;) ". I responded by saying,  "LOL its broken".

Two days have gone by and I haven't heard from him. It’s also Friday tomorrow (the day he said we'd get together). Should I text him about my umbrella or something flirty?

I am usually not too concerned with stuff like this but he gives me butterflies and I actually like him for once!  He's so darn interesting!  Joanna

Hi Joanna,

You are at the moment of truth. What you do now is going to set the precedent for how the relationship – if there ever is one – is going to go.

You’re either going to be the feminine energy and let him do the pursing – meaning, you wait until he contacts you.

Or, you’re going to be the masculine energy by taking action and texting him. Once you do that, his incentive to pursue is going to go way down and even if you do have a relationship, you will end up being the one who’s into it more.

Most guys wait till the day of the date to get in touch, so there's still time.

Having said that, he may have mentioned a day, but if you don't have a time and place, then you really don't have a date.

You may think you had a great date, but that doesn’t mean he felt the same. Or maybe he changed his mind for some reason afterwards.

Either way, if a man is interested, he will contact you. If he’s not, he won’t. It’s really very simple.

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Written by: Administrator

Hi Lucia,

The last time I contacted you I was so desperate in my relationship and you gave me advice which was so helpful. I'm out of that relationship and so happy because I'm not needy anymore. 

Recently I've noticed that the guys I meet just seek one thing from me - sex.  I meet good boys, bad boys and gentlemen but they don't seem to want to have a long-term relationship with me. They seem to only notice my body. After a few dates they mention sex, some even want to do it the minute they meet me.

I usually wear dresses that are tight so that the shape of my body shows itself.

I don't wear short skirts or revealing tops. but whatever I wear shows my body's shape because I spend time in the gym and really care about my diet in order to have a beautiful body so that it can be noticed.

I also know some good guys from my friends but I don't know why I don't attract them. I know if I get in a relationship with them, they won't mention sex too soon.

Please tell me what to do. I love you and I think you're the best relationship expert from all the ones I have consulted - Roya

Hi Roya,

Thank you for the wonderful compliments. It’s nice to know that I was helpful.

I understand wanting to show off a body you’re working hard on, as I too am into diet and exercise. However, what you wear speaks to who you are and to the image you want to project.

Guys are visually oriented, so if they see a woman who is not afraid to show off her curves with tight clothes, more often than not, their mind is going to go to sex. When they first see a woman, they immediately put her into one of 3 categories – bootycall, girlfriend or wife material.

Also, guys tend to bring up sex sooner rather than later, so even if you were wearing a garbage bag, they would probably bring up sex within a few dates.

What’s your tone when you’re speaking to men?

If you are flirting with strong sexual innuendos, they will think you are just looking for sex. On the other hand, you could be wearing a bikini, but if you come across as classy and confident, men will get the message that there is more to you than just a sexy body.

I asked to see some photos of you and I didn’t see anything too suggestive with the clothing you are wearing.  I’d like you to try an experiment. Wear more “conservative” clothes for about a few weeks and see what happens. Watch to see if men react differently than they have been. Perhaps, the men you wish would ask you out will now do so.

Let me know what happens.