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Written by: Administrator

Hi Lucia,

I stopped all contact with my ex last year. He was hot and cold all the time and I later discovered that he was active on 2 dating sites. I knew that something more serious was up and later I found out he had a relationship with another woman.

Needless to say, I was shocked and I still deal with some anger issues.

After a few months I saw him again on these dating sites. He is doing the same thing to his new girlfriend even though his Facebook status is "in a relationship". He even texted me a couple of times in the previous months to see how I'm doing.

I have thought of contacting this woman but I don't want to be labeled as a crazy, obsessed, ex girlfriend. It really drives me nuts that he thinks he can get away with it. What should I do? Tina

Hi Tina,

Even though it may feel good for a moment to tell her he’s probably cheating, at the end you will not gain anything, even if they do break up. However, the more likely scenario is that she will get angry at him but continue to date him. 

It’s not about being labeled crazy, but about the fact that the Universe doesn’t need your to help it do its job. Meaning, what goes around comes around and eventually what he puts out, he will get back.

Stop living in the past and giving him so much control over your emotions. Let the situation inspire you to move on and make a great life for yourself. Living well is always the best revenge

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Written by: Administrator

Hi Lucia,

Can you please tell me why a man never calls when he says he will? This has got to be the most annoying thing EVER. You sit at home waiting for the phone to ring or even for a text but nothing. NOTHING. Why do guys do this? It hurts, guys, you know, it really hurts. You think you know a guy, you start even to like him. He says I’ll call you and he doesn't. Why do guys do this? Annie R.

Hi Annie,

Every woman has asked herself that question sooner or later.  There could be many reasons. I decided to go to the experts for this one. Who are they? Guys.

I found the following posting on social media in response to a girl who was complaining about the same thing.

Brace yourself!

“This is sad but true… when I blow off a girl… it drives her insane and psycho and just knowing that I have her wrapped around my finger turns me off. I don’t have to give a damn thing but some b.s. words to keep her around when I need her. She lets herself get like that. I bet if you stopped with the texts and phone calls and acted like you could move on without him he would be kissing your ass in no time.”

Nice huh? There’s more.

Here are some comments from a national radio talk show that asked bad boys to call in, “Anytime you ice them (women), they just can’t get enough…These women are just absolutely stupid…It’s completely messed up.”

So, does this mean that all guys who don’t call when they say they will are players? No, of course not. It could also be low interest level.

You say you sit at home waiting for the phone to ring. People still do that? I thought cell phones ended all that. I understand what you mean. Why are you waiting for anyone’s call?

To quote you: You think you know a guy, you even start to like him. So, I’m assuming this is not your boyfriend but someone you’re dating.

Have people forgotten what the purpose of dating is?

It’s about finding out who the other person is and what they’re all about. If someone doesn’t call when they say they will, more often than not, they’re either playing, not that interested or unreliable. Does that sound like a good candidate for a boyfriend or husband?

The problem is that women percieve the silent phone as a personal rejection and think the guy didn’t call because there is something wrong with them. Instead, why not take the opposing point of view and realize it’s a big warning sign telling you they're either playing games or not that interested.

The answer to the eternal question, “Why didn’t he call” is always:  BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT TO!

The real question is:  Why didn’t he WANT to call?  The answer to THAT question will determine whether you should continue to date him or not. The only way to know that is to stop listening to what he says and look at what he does.

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Written by: Administrator

We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What was I thinking". Problem is, you weren't thinking. You were caught up in the chemistry and the wonderful feelings of the moment that you chose to overlook some warning signs that there may be trouble up ahead. Here is a list of things to look out for when dating:

CELL PHONE USE

There's a new disease in town. It's called "cellphone-itis". People afflicted with this cannot tear themselves away from their cell phones. They'll accept a call or respond to texts 24/7. Being out with someone like this can be annoying. It's like you're not even there. If you start dating someone and find out they have this disease, you can point out your displeasure - ONE TIME ONLY. If they persist, forget them. It's rude and disrespectful behavior on their part and we don't tolerate that, now do we?

DRIVING BEHAVIOR

If you want to know what someone is really like, be a passenger in a car with them. To quote an online traffic school: "The stronger the self-image that drivers have, the less threatened they will be by what happens around them. Identifying with one's vehicle is a symptom of a weak ego. Insecure people imagine everything that happens on the road is a direct threat to them personally. Someone cuts them off, and they must retaliate: "Who do those people think they are to cut me off?" The irrational thoughts of insecure people can keep them constantly upset." Gee, this sounds just like the type of person I'd like to date. Not!

ME! ME! ME!

I once met a guy who had a one track mind. That is, all that was on his mind was himself. He went on and on about all his accomplishments. I thought it was finally turning around when he said: Enough about me, tell me about you. Before I could get a word out, he was back to his favorite subject! Yup, himself!! What a total turnoff.  Guys are often guiltier of this than girls.  They know that some women will be impressed by what they've done, who they know, etc. They go on and on thinking they're getting somewhere (closer to the bedroom?). Smart women don't fall for this. We want to engage in a conversation. If we want to see a one man play, we'll go to the theatre!

BOO-HOO-HOO

Don't you just love hanging out with someone who is always complaining? Ah yes, the joys of seeing the glass as half empty. There's always something wrong or someone who has done them wrong. Arrive at their pity party with some cheese for their whine if you plan to stick around. If not, RUN!!!!!!!

SHE'S A PSYCHO/HE'S A JERK

If you believe in the law of attraction (we attract/are attracted to that which we are), and the person you start to date says their ex was a psycho or a jerk, what does that make them? You guessed it. Does that mean you too are a psycho or a jerk? Only if you choose to stick around. Just remember, one day YOU will be the psycho or jerk they'll be complaining about to someone else.

NAME CALLING

I'm surprised at how many people put up with this. What is one of the main reasons for being in a relationship? Because your life is enhanced as a result of that person being in it. Does being called a bitch or a loser make your life better? I can understand someone saying that you're being a bitch or you're acting bitchy, but the next time someone says "Bitch!" to you, you're only answer should be, "You're right. I am a bitch. I'm a Babe In Total Control of Herself" as you walk out the door forever.

HANGING UP

We've all hung up on someone or had someone hang up on us. However, at a certain point, we grow up and realize we can't just go around hanging up on people when we're upset or frustrated with them. The proper way to deal with this situation is to say something like, "I don't want to talk to you right now. I'm going to hang up. Bye." If you're at this point but the person you're dating hangs up on you, you may want to think twice about dating them. There are bound to be other maturity issues involved. If however, you're still hanging up on people and someone hangs up on you, then stay together. Those of us who have grown up don't need you on the dating scene bothering us. LOL!

I LOVE YOU

Anyone who is professing their "love" within a few weeks or a few months of meeting you is being insincere and immature. You have to know someone before you can truly love them. Yet people are throwing this phrase around left and right and before you know it, the relationship is over. It's better to err on the side of caution and take too long to say it than to rush it. Of course I don't have to tell you that yelling this out for the first time during a moment of "passion" doesn't count.

There are two things which separate me from almost everyone reading this: Awareness and attitude. I'm aware of the red flags and I have the attitude that I will not stick around once I see them. Now that your awareness has been raised, what will YOUR attitude be?

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Written by: Administrator

We've all had relationships that we've looked back on and thought, "What was I thinking?'' Problem is, you weren't thinking. You based your decision strictly on chemistry and first impressions, and in the words of Elvis Presley, "That's when your heartaches begin." Would you like to know how to make better choices in the future? Let's go!

Imagine you have an empty wall over your sofa and are looking for the perfect piece of art to fill it with. Let's make believe there's a gallery in town that is known for having great paintings. There's only one problem. All of their artwork is covered up except for one small corner. If you decide you like something, you can either buy it without seeing what the whole thing looks like, or you can go back each week as a bit more of it is revealed.

Do you get where I'm going with this?

Most people fall for a corner of the painting and immediately decide this would be the perfect piece of art for a wall that has been bare for far too long. Instead of returning each week to the gallery to learn a bit more, they make up their mind on the spot and only weeks or months later when the cover is off do they see what they are really dealing with.

I doubt anyone would ever buy art in this fashion, yet that is exactly what you're doing when you first meet someone and either instantly or within days or weeks decide you want them to be your partner. You're only seeing a corner of the painting. If you had waited to see what the rest looked like, you may have chosen to move on instead.

What's the solution?

When meeting someone new, your motto should be, "SHOW ME WHO YOU ARE AND I'LL DECIDE WHERE YOU FIT INTO MY LIFE, IF ANYWHERE". Instead of trying or hoping to have someone in your life, let the person show you who they are, by their words, actions and non-actions. Then you can decide which category to put them in.

Let's say you're looking for a committed relationship.

You meet someone and at first everything seems great. Then they start to become unreliable, don't call when they say they will, cancel dates, show up 2 hours late, are verbally abusive, etc. You've just been shown that they are not to be taken seriously. If you've already brought them home and placed them on that empty space above your sofa (your heart), it will be more difficult to walk away, than if you had just gone to the gallery each week to see who they were.

There was a guy who had been trying to get my number for several months, but I wasn't interested, so I didn't give it to him. One day he mentioned that he had been tanning at a friend's pool. I thought it might be fun to go with him sometime, so he gave me his number. I called on a Saturday afternoon, to see about going on Sunday. Well, this guy that was so interested in my number beforehand, didn't call back.

When I saw him the following Monday, I said, "What happened? You never called back." He responded, "I had a crazy weekend". Does that mean he couldn't find 5 minutes to call back? I doubt it, but it did show me who he was and if I wasn't interested before, I was even less interested now.

Let people show you who they are and then you can decide where/if they fit into your life.

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Written by: Administrator

Is there a way to make someone fall madly in love and treat you right?  I recently interviewed Rita, a happily married woman, whose boyfriends always fell madly in love with her when she was single.  I had to find out what her "secrets" were.

I discovered there were three main things she was doing which I believe are the keys to unlocking this mystery. These are all things I already knew about, but somehow, hearing them from someone, as opposed to reading about it in a book or article, really brought the message home.

1. Love only those who love you

How often do we bang our heads against the wall trying to figure out how to get a guy (or girl)? If someone doesn't seem that interested or even rejects us, we want them even more! What did Rita do?

"If I didn't get signs that the guy appreciated me, I did not run after him. I know what I'm worth. It doesn't mean that I'm not good enough. That person probably didn't see all my qualities. Nothing good would have come out of running after him and hoping that one day he'd see who I was. If he doesn't see you, he will not treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

How long should you wait? Generally, someone will know fairly soon if you're someone they want to have a relationship with or not. Your job is to show up as your best self, and if you see that "they're just not that into you", then don't continue to put energy into them.

Is there someone you know is interested in you who you've been ignoring because you were so focused on someone who isn't interested? Going to where you're wanted is so much easier than constantly analyzing what someone said and did, trying to figure out what they're thinking. If you don't know what they're thinking, then they probably aren't thinking about you.  As Shakespeare wrote, "Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better"

2. Be a friend first

Instead of putting pressure on a budding relationship by thinking that person may be the love of your life, build a friendship first. Think of your closest friends. The friendships probably developed casually and easily. You found yourself doing more and more things together and before you knew it, they were one of your closest friends. Dr. Paul, author of, "How We Fall in Love" says, "Friendship is mutually shared, consistently positive emotion."

Rita says she would ask for advice and talk about herself, not in an effort to impress the other person, but to let them into her life. She took a calm, casual attitude and didn't play games. "If you start playing, then they will start playing and it won't be real. To have real love, you have to be real. Love is a true feeling. You can't fake it. Be a true person to get true feelings".

3. Be open to love

If you're not open to it, both consciously and subconsciously, then you will not find it. It's like having the door to your heart half open. No one will ever fully be able to come in.

Rita says, "When you experience love, you have no fear or suspicions. It's an amazing experience, but you have to be open to it. You have to ask yourself if you really want to be in love. Some people don't. Maybe they're afraid, so they keep getting into relationships where there is a third party involved or other issues, because in the back of their mind, they're afraid of commitment. They find someone who they know will not want to commit."

If you choose wisely by loving only those who love you back, and treat nicely by being a friend and being open to love, you too can have an amazing love life.