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Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like to give the inside scoop on how to handle these guys. Yes, I'm going to make this gender specific. Can women be players too? Absolutely, but they usually aren't. Even if they are, most guys won't care.

I only have one problem with players, and that is, that they won't admit they are seeing other women. Yes, I know that's the basic definition of a player. If they would just tell the women that they were not exclusive, sure they would lose a few along the way, but for the most part, the women would stay, thinking, as women always do, they'd be the one to change him. Yeah, right.

Here are the rules for dealing with players:

1. Assume any guy who asks you out may be a player. A little harsh, I know, but at this point, we need to assume guilt until proven innocent. You don't have the facts yet, so start from this viewpoint.

2. Find out for sure if he is a player. Most players follow the same m.o. - they don't return calls, they don't call when they say they will, they have a sudden change of plans, they have to cancel suddenly, they have weird excuses, they're not where they said they would be, they don't sleep over, they take a shower before they go back home, they are very protective of their phone, etc.

If you start to suspect someone might be playing, they probably are.

One way to find out for sure is to say, in your sweetest voice: "I can't believe you're seeing just me. You're so handsome and charming, I wouldn't be surprised if you're seeing several women. It's alright if you are." In many cases, his defenses will come down and he'll admit it.

3. Once you know for sure that he's a player, you need to decide if you want to play. Don't date him hoping that he'll change, because he most likely won't. If you're not looking for a serious relationship and have time to hang around and play, then go ahead. If, however, you're looking for the love of your life, don't waste your time, no matter how charming or hot he is.  It can only lead to regret and heartache.

4. Don't take them seriously. If you've decided you have time to spare and are going to "play" for a while, think of the player as you would a child. If a child throws a tantrum, or says something hurtful, you deal with it calmly and you don't take it seriously. Don't bother getting angry with a player. It's just a waste of energy and it makes them feel more important, as it feeds their ego.

5. If you want to play a player, it's actually very easy. After dating many players myself, I realized that the character trait that makes one a player is also that which makes one vulnerable to being played - insecurity. A player doesn't tell his women that he's seeing others, because he's afraid they'll leave.

His biggest fear is losing you.

How do you work this to your advantage? By making him think it's a real possibility. Behave towards him as he does towards you. Players hate it when you don't return calls or texts, mysteriously disappear, cancel dates at the last minute, mention other guys, etc.

I speak from experience. I caused one guy to sob hysterically when I told him I was seeing someone else; Another player climbed a tree outside my place when I stopped returning his calls; And I reduced another one to a frustrated mess, forcing him to seek advice from his famous rap star friend on how to win me over.

So there you have it, a guide to playing with players. Have fun!

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Finding out someone you're in a committed relationship with is being unfaithful can be devastating. You're caught up in a whirlwind of fears and emotions. How should you handle this situation? As usual, I have a rather unorthodox approach.

Have you ever seen the show "Cheaters"?

I used to consider it a guilty pleasure until I realized it contained a wealth of knowledge for someone like me. "Cheaters" follows a "suspect" when their partner thinks they may be cheating. After gathering enough videotaped evidence, the suspecting partner (cheatee), the host, a tv crew consisting of several cameras and a lot of security confront the cheater in the act. This can be at a bar, nightclub, restaurant, hotel room, parked car, etc.

After watching the show for many months, I began to notice a pattern.

During the confrontation, one of three scenarios will usually take place. About 80% of the time, the cheater has the opposite reaction to that of their partner. This means, if the cheatee is upset and emotional, making comments such as, "How could you?" "I gave you everything you wanted", the cheater has an attitude, often gets angry and sometimes runs away. The person they've been cheating with usually had no idea they were involved in a triangle.

It also works in reverse, in that if the cheatee says, "That's it. It's over. I'm done" the cheater usually responds with, "I'm sorry. I love you. Let's work it out." The remaining 20% of the time, both parties agree - they either both want to stay together or they both say they're done.

From this pattern, I think it's easy to see that when confronting an unfaithful partner, you should remain as calm as possible. This is a lot easier to do if you don't actually catch them in the act, but find out when they're not around. Resist the urge to immediately call them up and demand an explanation. Do not contact them until you have calmed down and have decided exactly what you're going to do. This can range from a day (wait a minimum of 24 hours) to a week or more.

I once found out through a third party that a guy I was seeing was cheating.

This was the second time I had caught him, so while the emotional side of me didn't want to let go, intellectually, I knew it had to be over for good. We had had a disagreement the day before I found out, so we did not speak to each other for about 10 days. In that time, I walked around like a zombie, feeling very weak, not wanting to eat. I was grieving the loss of the relationship.

When he finally showed up at my door, I was done. He tried to claim the person was a friend, but I didn't buy it. I was very calm and went about my business in the kitchen, while he stood there trying to lie his way out of it. After a few minutes I waved my hand and said, "Go away. I'm busy." His response, "I'll see you later." Me: No you won't. Him: So it's over? Me: Yes!

What if you catch your partner in the act?

My suggestion is that you say and do nothing. Simply look them in the eye, with no expression, then turn and walk away. I know 99% of you reading this are not going to be able to do it, but if you really want to know the truth, you need to let them show you what it is, either through their actions or non-actions. Losing control by yelling and causing a scene is never attractive, even if you feel justified. Put yourself in their shoes. If you were the one caught cheating, which reaction would shake you up more?  Which reaction would you respect more?  Don't be basic!

When you freak out, you're actually trying to bully and manipulate your partner into reacting to you in a way that will assure you that they still care for you. You're like a child having a temper tantrum in order to get the attention you don't feel you're getting. You're also giving their ego a big boost. Your actions are saying: You are so important to me that I am willing to lose control and act temporarily insane. You have that much power over me. Is that really the message you want to send?

That's why saying nothing and walking away is a better reaction.

As we learned from "Cheaters", they are more likely to be apologetic and want to work things out (if that's what you want) if you remain calm. By not having to defend themselves against your tirade, you give them the space to get in touch with their true feelings for you and your relationship. Not to mention the fact that their respect for you will rise immensely, since it takes strength to just walk away. We all want to be with someone that is emotionally strong.

Even if they've run after you and pleaded to talk to you, that is not the time to talk. You need to get over the shock of your discovery and they need to think about what they've done.

You now need to do "no contact".

The reason for this is because when people think they've lost someone that was important to them, their true feelings come out. It's the old, "Don't know what you've got till it's gone". If they care, they will do whatever they have to, to get you back. If they don't, they won't and you're better off without them. Don't take their calls or answer the door until you're convinced that they're ready to be honest. Leave them wondering for at least a week or two.

If it does turn out that your partner had already moved on, but neglected to tell you, at least you walk away with your dignity, if you don't freak out. Why give them proof that their decision to leave was right, by acting like a psycho?

If you cause a scene, you will forever be in their relationship hall of shame.

If you walk away with your head held high, you will forever be in their relationship hall of fame.

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A friend of mine once exclaimed, "Dating is so complicated!" I thought about it for a moment and realized, "No it's not!" It's actually very simple if you follow two principles that will solve 90% of your romantic issues.

You meet someone. You're attracted to them. They're attracted to you. You start dating.

Yes I know it's not always that simple. You may be interested in someone who initially isn't as interested or vice versa. Maybe you're already in a relationship and someone else piques your interest or you like someone that is already committed. How you arrive at dating someone isn't the point, as long as you're both attracted and available.

Here are the two things you must keep in mind:

If: you're happy, the other person treats you well AND your life is better as a result of that person being in it, you stay.

You must have all three.

There's not point in being with someone who treats you well and makes your life better, but for one reason or another you're unhappy (probably because you're not compatible). On the other hand:

If: you're not happy or the other person doesn't treat you well or your life is not better as a result of that person being in it, you leave.

You only need one of these to be present.

You're probably saying to yourself, "Yes, that's obvious."  If it's so obvious, then why are there so many bad relationships?

Think back to your last relationship or even to a present one. How many times have you stayed with someone you weren't happy with? Or, what about the people who didn't treat you well but you stayed anyway? Why does that happen?

I believe that all too often people hand their self worth and self esteem over to their romantic partner. They feel that if someone loves (and I use that term loosely) them, that they are worthwhile. If they don't have someone in their lives, then they assume they're not.

There's a song called, "You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You".  Please don't ever believe that. How a person treats you speaks to who they are - not to who you are.

Let me prove this to you using an extreme example. Let's say you're dating someone who's physically abusive. They say, "You make me so mad! You make me want to hit you."

If this were true, that would mean that everyone you dated would hit you when they became angry. Of course we know this doesn't happen. Someone else may choose to walk away or to talk to you. You cannot change how a person behaves. If you don't believe me, think about the times you tried to change yourself. How easy was it?  Exactly!

The other excuse for staying with someone that you're not happy with is because you think the situation will get better. Hope is always the last to die and the person that is nice to you once in a while, keeps you hanging on.  Most people wish they had gotten out of bad relationships sooner rather than later.

If you're trying to decide whether to break up with someone or not, ask yourself, "How much more time am I willing to waste in a bad relationship?"

Time is a non renewable resource. Once it's gone, it's never coming back.  The more time you spend with the wrong person, the less time you'll have to spend with the right person.

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Are you happy?

Are you happy every day? Do you wake up happy? Do you go to sleep happy? My answers to all four questions are: YES! I don't want to go to sleep at night because I am enjoying life so much that I just want to stay up and continue being happy. I've fallen asleep on the couch more nights than I care to admit, as I tried to stay awake.

I realize I'm in the minority here and this is not how it is for most people. I started to think about how I live my life and came up with the following list of things that keep me "sane in an insane world".

Workout

I started working out in high school and will be doing it for the rest of my life. The gym is my second home. The endorphin high relieves stress and alters negative states of mind. Exercise tells your cells that they should grow instead of decay. If you don't make time for exercise, you must eventually make time for illness.

Diet

How and what we eat affects our bodies (both inside and out), energy and mood. It's important to stick to a healthy diet most of the time and "cheat" only once in a while. I'm usually within 5 pounds of my high school weight and plan to be in that range for the rest of my life.

Meditation

Once you experience the benefits of meditation, you won't be able to live without it. You will actually crave it. You become more intuitive and are able to remain calm in stressful situations. If I don't get a chance to meditate, I'm not as peaceful and grounded as I like to be.

Spiritual/religious foundation

Believing in a higher power gives us strength in both good times and bad. It grounds us when we have been coming from our ego and reminds us that we are spirits in a material world. My spiritual beliefs always brings me back down to earth if I start to get to take myself too seriously.

Sleep

Most people need a minimum of 7 hours of sleep. Your body needs to renew itself at night. If you regularly have trouble sleeping, do the things on this list and you'll find that you'll be able to fall asleep easier.

A Passion

I love, love, love my weekly Zumba class. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm in a childlike state the entire class - joking around and laughing. You have to have something to look forward to every week that makes your spirit sing. Find your passion.

Music

When you start to take life too seriously, you can change your mood instantly by listening to music that moves you. If you're feeling down, play something upbeat. I usually have relaxing music playing in the background at home - it instantly changes the entire vibe.

Reading

Just like your body, you need to feed your mind. You become more attractive when you are well read and can carry on an interesting, intelligent conversation. I am addicted to reading and as a result, can talk to anyone about almost anything.

Meaningful Conversations

I have a lot of friends but I'm lucky to have a few great friends who I can talk to about anything and they listen actively and give me honest, intelligent feedback without judgement. We all need someone to talk to - it's a lot less expensive than therapy.

Pampering

Life is about balance. You need to take care of the body, mind and soul equally. When you feel stressed, pamper yourself. Sometimes a luxurious bubble bath with music and candles is all you need.

Massage

This is usually viewed as a luxury, but I believe it is a necessity. The benefits of massage range from improved immune system to improved joint flexibility and everything in between. If you can't afford to do it on a regular basis, go to a massage school where the rates are much lower.

Love

Love is all around you. It can come from anywhere - a romantic partner, a parent, sibling, friend, neighbor, pet or nature. Be as open to giving it as you are to receiving it.

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A few years ago, I started dating someone I was very attracted to. Before we'd even kissed, I was fantasizing about what it would be like to be intimate with him and I couldn't wait. As usual, the fantasy was better than the reality.

When we finally had our first kiss, I felt nothing.

I couldn't believe it. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me.

A week later we "did the deed" and it was the second worst sex of my life. I finally realized that even if you're attracted to someone, that's not a guarantee of great sex. Wouldn't it be nice to know beforehand, so you won't be so disappointed, if you even decide to go there?

Luckily, in the book called "Supersex" by Tracey Cox, the author lists some ways to know if someone will be good in bed:

How do they eat?

"The wham-bam-thank-you-man demolishes a hamburger in 10 seconds flat. The only-do-it-on-Sunday-morning-in-the-missionary-position person refuses to eat anything but steak and potatoes and hamburger-and-fries combos. If he's not into experimenting or trying exotic fare, he's hardly going to dish up the Kama Sutra behind closed doors. Even worse are the fussy, finicky types who hassle the waiter and send things back to the kitchen four times. Imagine what this guy would be like if your body's not up to snuff - let alone your sexual technique...The litmus test for food though is if he shares. The man who offers you a mouthful of his main course is a keeper." When you go out to eat together the first time, peruse the menu and ask his opinion of some of the more unusual dishes. Would he ever try them?

How does he move?

"Someone once said that dancing is sex standing up and fully clothed. Pay attention to what he does on the dance floor and you've just had a glimpse into what he'll get up to in the bedroom. You're looking for variety, rhythm and an ability to lose himself in the music. The self-conscious get the boot...Ditto anyone who can dance without ever moving the lower half of their body. At the opposite end of the spectrum is the Look at Me! Sex with an overt exhibitionist is rarely satisfying. He's usually so self-absorbed, your function is simply to be a live mirror who oooh's and aaah's over how fabulous he looks and performs. Beware the guys who make jerky, hectic movements on the dance floor...premature ejaculator." The next time you meet someone you're interested in, be sure to ask: Can you dance?

How does he talk?

"If he's talking in a monotone and changes expressions once an hour, you've hardly hit on Mr. Enthusiastic. The guy who's throwing his arms up in the air and nearly knocking over the water is full of life and passion. In general, the more outgoing and socially skilled he is, the more likely he is to be a good communicator in bed." Observe how he talks to different people. If he's reserved with everyone, he'll probably be reserved with you too! Bo-ring.

How's his touch?

"Is he generous with his affection? The more comfortable he is with expressing affection, the more affectionate and loving he'll be during sex. How he holds your hand is a great indicator of how he'll perform. If he intertwines his fingers with yours, he's likely to be highly erotic. At the opposite end is the man who does a half hearted fingertips only hand hold. Words like "lukewarm lover" and "commitment-phobe" should spring to mind." If he won't hold hands at all, run!

How's his kiss?

"The clincher! If it's melt material, so will the sex be. If it's awful, don't go there. If he refrains from shoving his tongue down your throat, he won't rush you into sex (expect foreplay galore). Most promising sexually is someone who'll kiss with their lips and touch you somewhere else with their hands at the same time."  I can't stress the kiss enough. Cher was right when she sang, "It's in his kiss". If "it" is not there, you probably won't find "it" in the bedroom either.