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- Written by: Administrator
Dear Lucia,
Should I make any attempt to contact my ex to say that I forgive her? Our relationship ended badly with her going after someone else. I have all this resentment and it keeps me thinking about her. I have tried to stop dwelling over it but I feel it's the only option I have left. I feel I need to make peace. J.T.
Dear J.T.,
Have you heard the expression, "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself". People think that forgiving someone means the other person has "won" and they've somehow "lost". As with most things in today's world, that is the total opposite of how it really is.
You forgive someone so that you can have peace within yourself. By holding onto anger and resentment, you are still holding onto that person, even if they are no longer in your life. You're still carrying a cross that bears their name.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If someone is angry with you, they still care on some level. That's why people in dysfunctional relationships try to make each other angry - that way they know the other person still cares.
If you've truly forgiven her, take what positive lessons you've learned from being with her and move on with your life. There's really no need to call her. She probably couldn't care less whether you forgive her or not. Let it go.
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- Written by: Administrator
Hi Lucia,
How can I pick out the girls that actually want a relationship from those who just want to have fun? I am looking for a relationship now, not just a one night stand? Sean J.
Dear Sean,
It's usually women who want to know the answer to that question. Nice to see that guys are also concerned about this!
The answer is very simple: don't have sex until you've been dating for several weeks or months. If the person is just looking for sex or a one night stand, they won't hang around that long.
Also, look at their lifestyle. Are they out partying all the time or are they seriously working towards something in their life? When someone has a goal, they can't bothered to be distracted by being out at clubs.
Finally, look about their friends. Are they all party animals or do they have something going on? Remember, birds of a feather flock together.
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- Written by: Administrator
Dear Lucia,
I like this girl and I told her that I liked her and that I would like to get with her. She told me that she liked me too but she just came out of a relationship and she just wanted to have some time to her self. I have been hanging out with her a lot. Sometimes I think like she doesn't feel the same way as I do about her, but there are times where I think she does.
Last night we went bowling and when I was leaving I gave her a hug and she kissed me on the cheek. Now I just would like some advice on what to do next. Eric V.
Dear Eric,
Sorry to tell you, but she's probably not interested. Girls use the "just out of a relationship excuse" when they don't want to date you but don't want to tell you directly. If she was interested, trust me, she wouldn't need "time to herself". If her favorite celebrity asked her out, the fact that she just came out of a relationship wouldn't matter one bit.
She likes you as a friend and wants someone to hang out with at the moment. The only thing you can do is back off. If she really does want time to herself, you need to not spend so much time with her.
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- Written by: Lucia
Dear Lucia,
I really love my girlfriend, but I absolutely despise her friends. I just don't like them. What should I do? Terry B.
Dear Terry,
I find that hard to believe. You've heard the saying, "Birds of a feather flock together"? She must have something in common with them, something she sees in them that she identifies in herself. You're either seeing in your girlfriend the negatives you see in her friends, or you're not to seeing positives in her friends that you see in your girlfriend.
Your options are: look for the positives in them, break up with her or keep interactions with her friends to a minimum.
Whatever you do, don't tell your girlfriend you can't stand her friends. She wants you to love everything about her, and that includes who she chooses to hang out with.
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- Written by: Lucia
Dear Lucia,
When you first meet a guy, do you find his initial shyness/nervousness endearing or a turn off? Peter P.
Dear Peter,
Initial shyness/nervousness is not a turn off. It tells me he's being real, and he's probably not a player. If someone is too smooth and confident – that's a turn off! However, eventually the shyness/nervousness needs to go, otherwise it becomes annoying.
