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Written by: Lucia

Dear Lucia,

If a man is not satisfied with the sex life with his wife, then should he go for an extra marital affair with or without love? My wife is very cold and I have tried a lot to make her hot. She also doesn't control her figure. Rick

Dear Rick,

I don’t usually answer questions from married people; however, I know there are guys who are currently single and will one day be in your situation, so I will answer as a “preventative measure”.

When choosing the person you will marry, keep two things in mind: Choose wisely; treat nicely.

This means that if sex and fitness are important to you, pick someone for whom these two things are also a priority. If you are not compatible sexually and/or your partner is not disciplined with food or working out, then, not matter how “in love” you are, you don’t get married.

A relationship is like a garden. It needs to be tended to or it will die. Once you get married, instead of becoming complacent and taking the other person for granted, you should instead continue to act like their boyfriend/girlfriend.

I’m sure your wife wasn’t cold when she was your girlfriend (and if she was then you didn’t choose wisely). She’s unhappy with you and the relationship and you need to find out why. You also need to acknowledge your part in it. Once you start to work on any issues, you'll most likely find that she'll start to become "hot" for you again.

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Written by: Lucia

Hi Lucia,

My girlfriend and I are both 21. We are close to each other, more on the physical side, but it is limited to phone sex. She really likes it when I talk dirty on the phone at night and she masturbates to that.

I'm pretty sure that during that time she really wants me in her bed to do all the things I say to her, but when I ask her to have actual sex with me, she is a complete no-no. No amount of persuading would change her mind, but she insists on continuing this phone sex thing going. I want to take the next step. What should it do? Kombo

Dear Kombo,

Has she given you a reason as to why she won’t do it? Is it because of religion? Is she a virgin? If it’s neither one of those, then you’ll need to use reverse psychology. Constantly asking her to have sex when she’s already said no several times is not going to get you anywhere.

I would continue with the phone sex, but I would not ask her anymore. You could even say that you actually prefer “doing it” on the phone and are not that interested in having sex with her anymore. If she asks why, say that you don’t want her to do anything she’s not ready for.

If your phone sex is hot enough, trust me, eventually she’ll be demanding to have sex with you. Let me know what happens!

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Written by: Lucia

Dear Lucia,

I am involved with a woman who blows up and nitpicks at me about everything. She does not want me to touch her - no sex, kissing, hugging or let alone sleeping in the same bed. She tells me that she loves me but I don’t know what to do when she is like this.

She beats down my confidence. It feels like I am walking on egg shells. Joe

Dear Joe,

Love is a verb. It doesn’t matter how often someone says they love you, if they don’t show it in their actions. She is withholding sex, being verbally and emotionally abusive and you have to tip toe around her. Gee, sounds like a match made in heaven!

Why is she behaving this way? Part of the reason is because she knows she can.  She knows you're not going anywhere, because you’re still there putting up with it. If she was dating someone who she knew would never put up with that behavior, unless she has mental health issues, she probably would not behave that way.

You need to man up and tell her you will no longer put up with her abusive behavior. Inform her you will not see her anymore until she either adjusts her attitude or gets counseling. In the meantime, you may want to start dating other women who treat you well and appreciate you.

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Written by: Lucia

Dear Lucia,

I've had it bad for a particular young lady for quite some time now. Her ex-boyfriend recently ended their relationship. Sure enough, less than a week passed and she called me. We went on to have two weeks of bliss. That all came to a screeching halt when I got the "It's not my ex, it's the feel of being in a relationship" line and that she needed to deal with that.

She told me she did not want to nurse a relationship with another relationship and that she is actually looking out for me in all this, telling me she did not want me to be a rebound guy. If she needs time for her, I am more than glad to give her that or whatever she needs. The conversation was cloaked with high hopes of us having a real shot at a relationship which made me feel better about the situation.

However, after seeing her the other day, and her mentioning the ex more than once and hearing "Don't let me stand in the way of you seeing someone else"...well...do you smell what I smell? Any advice? Brad

Hi Brad,

When someone has just gotten out of a relationship, they often seek to get over the pain by jumping into something else. Few people are enlightened enough to take time to heal between relationships when there is the possibility of being with someone else who has piqued their interest.

The only reason she said she did not want to "nurse another relationship" is because she is currently not that into you. She still hasn't gotten over her ex, and that's understandable, since the breakup was so recent.  My advice: Move on.  If she's interested down the road, she knows where to find you.

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Written by: Lucia

Dear Lucia,

I had a girlfriend who was not as into the relationship as I was. She broke up with me and that same day, I slept with my ex. Afterwards, I realized it was the wrong thing to do and I still wanted the person who broke up with me.

I told her I slept with my ex and she got mad and doesn't want to see me anymore. Should I have told her? Does she have a right to be mad since she broke up with me? Isaac

Dear Isaac,

My, my, my. What mind games we have here.

Should you have told your recent girlfriend you slept with your ex? No! However, you wanted to get back at her for breaking up with you, so you made the passive-aggressive move of telling her. You darn well knew she wouldn’t be happy about it.

Does she have a right to be mad? Everyone has a right to feel what they feel. The reason she’s angry is because you slept with someone else so soon. While women usually wait to have sex with someone else when they are dumped, men usually try to get over it by sleeping with someone else or drinking.

However, the moment she broke up with you, you were free to sleep with whomever you wanted to.

If she already ended the relationship, what does it matter that she doesn’t want to see you anymore? She wasn’t going to see you anymore anyway or was she?

Tell her that you were a free agent when she broke up with you, and if she wants to be mad, that’s on her.  This will either make her want you back or never want to see you again.  Only time will tell.