Details

Hi Lucia,

I'm always confused as to why women have two totally contradictory standards for having sex with a man. Most women (when they meet your average guy who is interested in them) say they want to get to know you, and take it slow.

However, when this same woman meets her "fantasy man" (a wealthy guy, a powerful guy, the Italian Romeo with an accent) suddenly she is more that willing to have sex with him on the first date without any questions asked.

Why? After all, why can’t she take the time to get to know Romeo before jumping into bed with him, just like she told the average Joe? It’s very contradictory and does not make any sense to me. Furthermore, it’s disingenuous.

By the way, most men (including myself) do not have this contradictory standard for having sex with a woman; if I am attracted to the girl who works at the grocery store earning $10.00 an hour, I don't have a different standard for sleeping with her versus sleeping with a CEO or celebrity.  Cheers, Sam

 

Hi Sam,

Congratulations, you’ve discovered the double standard for men! If there can be a double standard for women (if they sleep around they’re loose; if men sleep around, they’re just being men), then this is the double standard for men.

However, my experience has often been the reverse. A girl will sleep with a guy she doesn’t see as having long term potential sooner than she will with a guy she thinks may be a serious boyfriend or potential husband. This is because of the original double standard of not wanting to be seen as promiscuous by someone that may eventually become her boyfriend or husband.

In the example you mentioned, it’s obvious that these women are blinded by the wealth, power or accent, and don’t have enough faith in themselves to make the guy wait, as they normally would. They probably figure there’s a lot of competition for these guys, and they better do what they can to make sure they don’t lose them. This of course, usually has the opposite effect, but that’s a story for another day.

Yes, I know men don’t have a double standard when it comes to bedding women – after all, they’re just being men, right?

 

 

Details

 

Hi Lucia,

I'm a 21 year old gay man.  My boyfriend told me just a few days ago that he was bisexual and that he had a girlfriend. When he told me that I felt very sad because I really love him. But the problem is that he says he loves me and her.

My question is: DO YOU THINK SOMEONE CAN LOVE TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME? Frankie

 

Hi Frankie,

You ask a great question.  First of all, you said your boyfriend is bisexual. Does his girlfriend know that? She has a right to know. Are they using protection? I certainly hope so.

You need to find out if his girlfriend knows he is bisexual. If she doesn’t, he’s lying to her. Neglecting to tell her is still a form of lying. Is this the type of person you want to be with? Who knows what else he may be lying about? Do you want to take that risk?

Secondly, you ask: Do you think someone can love two people at the same time. Man has attempted to answer this question since the beginning of time. The answer is: Does it really matter?  Whether it’s possible or not, nothing changes. You still have a guy who wants to be with someone else besides you. Is that what you want?

Finally, you’re only 21 and I believe, too young to have a boyfriend. This is when you should be dating (though not necessarily sleeping with) different people to find out what you like and don’t like in a partner. You’ll also find out a lot about yourself. You’ll have plenty of time in the future for a committed relationship.

I’ve given you a lot to think about. Reflect on my questions and base your decision not just on how you feel about your boyfriend today, but on how you want your life to be in the future.

In the words of Deepak Chopra, “By realizing we can see ourselves in others, every relationship becomes a tool for the evolution of our consciousness.” Life is about learning, and you can either learn through joy or through pain. The people you choose to be in relationships with will either take you to the heights of ecstasy or to the depths of hell.

The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

 

 

 

Details

Hi Lucia,

I'm 25 years of age. There is a pretty gal that I work with and I am very attracted to her. Occasionally she and I have small talk.

I wish I had the courage to eventually ask her out, but I'm too shy. What should I do? Kenny



Hi Kenny,

Before asking her out, ask yourself if things would be awkward if you dated and things didn't work out. No one wants to go to a job where they have to see an ex that they wish they were still dating or vice versa. If it's not against company policy and you'll be okay with whatever the outcome is, then go for it.

The good news is that she probably already knows you're interested in her. The bad news is that if she hasn't already made the move herself, then it will be up to you.

Since you are shy, the best way to do it would be to ask her out without really asking her out. That means, pay attention to your conversations. If she mentions a movie she'd like to see or of an event /restaurant she's been thinking of checking out, that's your cue to say something like, "We should check it out sometime" or "We should go there sometime".

You'll know by her reaction whether she wants to go out with you or not. If she says something like, "That would be great", you've probably got a green light. If she seems hesitant it means she's not interested or she could already be involved with someone else.

 

 

 

Details

Hi Lucia,

Tell me what’s wrong with me. I am always a good friend to a woman, but when I start loving her things always go wrong!! Mostly I am too honest and direct or too intense but what is the problem about that?

The other thing is I seem to always attract jealous and insecure women. Is that the consequence of being too honest and direct? I warn women that I am a good friend and lousy lover. Miguel

 

Hi Miguel,

Well, nothing like doing your own bad pr. You’re right, you are too honest if you are warning women up front, but no one does anything without a payoff. You are using that as a disclaimer so that when things eventually go wrong, you can say, “See, I told you”.

Honesty is not always the best policy, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. There is no need to express every thought that comes to your mind. That’s okay for a 3 year old, but it’s a turn off in a grown man. Sometimes, tact and diplomacy is a better policy. Women want to feel adored and cherished, and it’s possible your directness is doing the total opposite.

You ask what’s wrong with that and I say: Nothing, if you don’t mind being alone. Your approach hasn’t worked so far, so why not try something new if you really want things to change.

In terms of the jealousy and insecurity, unless a woman is a teenager or in her early 20s, has mental health or trust issues, she won’t become jealous and insecure unless you give her a reason.

Look at your words and actions and ask yourself if you are contributing to the women behaving this way.

 

 

Details

Hi Lucia,

I see this woman almost everyday at the gym and we constantly exchange looks throughout the 1.5 hours we're there. However, it’s like high school where if I catch her, she’ll look away quickly or if she knows I’m looking, she’ll do something sexy in my direction!!!!

I finally found the courage to greet her and ask for her name (outside of the gym for privacy, and no eyes!) as she was leaving to go back to work.   She faced me with the biggest smile and gave me her name (no hesitation). I gave her mine, shook her hand and told her it was a pleasure to finally meet her and that she was gorgeous!  The smile she had never left her face throughout the conversation, even as she was walking up the stairs as we parted.

How can I tell for sure if she is interested so I can make my move? Are there any other signs I can look for?  How can I grab her attention/interest more?  Marc

 

Hi Marc,

You’re certainly very observant! You’ve already made your move. She definitely seems interested to me. Now you want to build on that. Do not ask her out just yet. You want to build some anticipation.

When you see her, if it’s convenient and appropriate, have brief conversations with her. That means that if she’s on the other side of the gym, you don’t head over there unless you were already planning on going in that direction. If she’s talking to someone, don’t stand around waiting for them to stop talking. Walk by and wave hello. You don’t want to appear too anxious.

The times you do talk to her, you can observe her body language. Does she show her teeth when smiling, play with her hair, touch herself (not there!) or touch you on the arm, shoulder, etc. These are all signs that she’s interested, especially if she touches you. When women are interested in someone, they want to touch him. If they’re not, the last thing they want to do is touch him!

You can ask her out after talking with her for about a week or two if she has shown signs of interest and after you’ve confirmed that she is single. Otherwise, she may be attached and was simply flirting.

 

 

 

  1. My Wife Doesn't Want To Be Intimate
  2. We Only Have Phone Sex
  3. She Won't Have Sex With Me
  4. She Told Me To Date Other Women
  5. I Slept With My Ex

Page 2 of 10

You Might Also Like - For Men