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Hi Lucia,

I have a "friend" who is a stripper. I don’t know where she is coming from and I don’t want to be a doormat. She calls me constantly – in between classes, before she goes to work, when she gets off work (4 a.m.) and tells me all her problems.

We've slept together twice, and all on her terms. The first time was the morning after I’d had a date with a Spanish hottie the night before. The second time she took me to dinner, and said "I'm horny, you're looking f’ing hot, and I'm going to do you." She always used to say she wanted to see me when she got off work but would then have some lame excuse as to why she never made it over.

On my birthday she sent me some really deep, cute e-cards that seemed to say she was looking for a hubby. On other occasions she's sent me loaded text messages such as "u belong to me" "you keep hopn and dreamin" "ro ro will you marry me"

The main reason I like her is because she's intelligent and hot but she's also ruthless and cunning, much like myself. To me, that's downright SEXY. However, I also know it’s her job to make her clients feel special, to make them feel like they are the only one. She has never asked me for money and she usually pays if we go out.

Although she has many admirable qualities, I don't want to be played. Being a chemical engineer, I tried using logic, but sometimes another hot, educated, female is the best answer!

I will take your advice to heart as I think she's been using me and it's time to say "Later"! Roman

 

Hi Roman,

Exactly what type of logic were you using? Is it possible some of the chemistry fumes from the lab went to your head? The statement that scares me the most is: She is cunning and ruthless…that’s downright sexy. Since when did these become admirable qualities in a mate? A hit man? Absolutely.  A politician? Probably.  A criminal lawyer? Goes without saying.  A mate? Never.

You’re right. She is intelligent. She’s figured out that she can do whatever she wants with/to you, and you’ll accept whatever crumbs she throws your way. You’ll be her therapist whenever she needs to discuss her problems and her booty call when she’s horny. She keeps hope alive but never satisfied, by sending e-cards and text messages.

The equation of you + her = CO (carbon monoxide for you non chemists). It's time to say “Later!”

 

 

 

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Hi Lucia,

I am totally in love with this girl...and I know that I can't have her. Even if I did get her, it wouldn't be a very healthy relationship. Simply put, I could NEVER trust her.  She is kind of a "bad girl/player," which isn't EVEN MY TYPE!!  Also, we don't seem to have too much in common, either...but I have NEVER been so attracted to someone in my life.

Why do I want her so bad?? I can't figure this one out. There doesn't appear to be any chance for happiness, but I still can't help myself. In fact, I am actually "taking a break" from her & haven't talked to her in over 2 weeks. This doesn't seem to be working either. Joe S.

 

Hi Joe,

Your first sentence has the answer to all your questions. You know you can’t have her, and therefore, you want her. People want things they can’t have, simply because they’re hard to get. This is why everyone says they want a Ferrari. Well, I’ve been in several Ferraris, and I’ve got to tell you, I don’t. They’re hard to get in and out of and all the other cars on the road are towering over you.

You’re not in love with her.  Don’t be so frivolous with such an important word. Love is admiration and respect, and you can’t feel that for someone you don’t trust. The fact that you are so into her means that she is your type, otherwise, you wouldn’t be interested. Players are not my type therefore I’m not attracted to them, available or not.

You’re right, staying away isn’t going to help. It’s like telling yourself you have to lose weight and you must stay away from pizza, so guess what’s always on your mind?  Pizza.

So I say, go ahead. Everyone needs to have their heart broken a few times before they wise up and learn it’s better to run, not walk, from this type of person.

 

 

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Hi Lucia,

I love dating or seeing older women. I love the way they handle themselves and look. 21 year olds are fun but it gets old. An active, older woman who likes to go out and can turn heads with a great cocktail dress and heels is the most attractive thing I can think of.

I’d like to know why older women always ask why I like them and how come I am not "into" younger girls. Are all older women this insecure about this? Brian

 

Hi Brian,

Luckily, not all older women are insecure about the age factor. Most know that they are the total package and have more to offer than younger women, because they’ve had more time to get their act together.

You may be meeting women who are recently divorced and back on the dating scene or who have always dated older men. The concept of a guy preferring an older woman is still new to some people.

Tell them the same things you’ve told me in this email and that should help appease their concerns.

 

 

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Dear Lucia,

I've been dating a girl for about 4 months and I think I'm falling in love with her. How long should I wait to tell her? Shaun B.

 

Dear Shaun,

While you can’t put a timeline on love, it’s better to err on the side of caution. If you say it too soon and she doesn’t feel the same way, you probably won’t get the reciprocal response. What you’re really saying when you utter those three little words is: I think you’re great, I love being with you and I’d like for us to be together for a very long time.

By the time you’re ready to declare your feelings, the relationship should be exclusive or will become so as a result of you saying how you feel. If you’re not yet at that point, wait! In either case, at least 6 months should pass before you even think of going there.

By that time you have a good idea of where the relationship is headed and whether you think it has long term potential.

Of course I don’t need to remind anyone that if you say it during sex it doesn't count and to never say “I love you” as a manipulation to get something. You may think you’re getting away with it, but remember one little word: karma.

 

 

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Dear Lucia,

I am in love with a girl I’ve been dating for a month. How do I make her fall in love with me?

I am 24 yrs old and I think she's a bit older than me. I invited her for lunch but she didn't show. I also invited her last Sunday and again she didn't show up. I tried her cell phone but she was not picking up. I was a bit down because we arranged to meet and she didn't show up.

How do I make her understand I'm in love with her?  Derrick

 

Dear Derrick,

It’s very hard to convince someone of something that isn’t true. The truth is that you are not in love with her. I know it, she knows it and maybe somewhere inside you, you know it. You make be infatuated and obsessed, but you certainly can’t love someone after only one month. Love develops as a result of getting to know someone. You don’t even know how old she is!

Although it’s not right for her to stand you up, the reason she’s doing it is because you’re creeping her out. She’s doesn’t want to turn you down, so she pretends she’s going to see you and then doesn’t show up.

Even if you haven’t said, “I love you” to her, your actions and attitude are showing her that you are way too into her after only one month. You’re coming across as desperate and unrealistic and that is never attractive. We all want to be with someone strong. Someone who is willing to put up with being continually stood up is not strong. Are you sure you’re even dating?

If there is to be any hope for you, you need to back off immediately. Continuing to ask her out will only lead to her blocking your number. If she changes her mind, she knows how to get a hold of you.

 

 

  1. Does She Want A Break Or To End It?
  2. How Do I Let My Ex Know I've Changed?
  3. She Doesn't Want To Be Exclusive Anymore
  4. And Then She Slapped Me
  5. I Ain't Saying She's A Gold Digger

Page 5 of 10

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